Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Junk food & Luke

Its funny how you can think about something over and over again and have it pictured perfectly in your mind but everything seems to get lost in this fuzzy space between thinking and doing.  Ive been a bit depressed for a day or so, in a funk if you will.  I was actually in a great mood recently but then we decided to stay in Sunday night and just drink some wine and beer, relax, and watch a movie.  Theres always an ongoing list in my head of things i want need and one of the many is to get the entire star wars collection.  Its been on my list but I always seem to pick shoes :/ Ill probably put it on my Christmas list.  Anyway in the process of deciding what to watch I told him to download a couple star wars, Citizen Kane, Black Swan, and Some like it Hot. . . I know I have a very eclectic taste.  I've already seen some like it hot but theres nothing like a good old Marilyn Monroe movie to warm the soul.  I've heard of Citizen Kane in a lot of references and have wanted to see it, and Star Wars was something I was picturing sitting at home all day and watching back to back to back. No sunlight. No fresh air. Just junk food & Luke.  So Black Swan it was, I had not seen it at all and had been hesitant to watch it cause I heard it was a little scary and gross.  He had already seen it and said it wasn't that bad so we began.  The movie was great, fucking terrifying cause i'm a sissy but amazing nonetheless.  Interestingly after the movie was over I just felt so depressed and introverted. weird.  That movie made me feel so fucking bad about myself.  Like that bitch you dance and shit, wtf can I do.  And no thats not all i gathered from it, I understand she was losing her mind and blah blah blah.  Alas it just triggered the age old question.  What am I doing with my life?  What do I want to be?  ugh who the fuck knows.  I got up this morning and said fuck you Natalie Portman ( I'm just kidding totes love her just a bit jelly) and decided to smear makeup all over my face and do my hair, and BOOM all better.  Now I'm here, reflecting.  Its so interesting how easy it is to become obsessed with someone else's accomplishments or talents when everyone is great and different in their own way.  I know you should never compare and it doesn't get you anywhere but its so hard not to.  I guess the best thing to do is to be able to realize what your doing, that it makes no fucking sense, and move the fuck on.  Your fucking great, and so am I.  Yea I don't have dual citizenship, graduated from an Ivy League school, or am a wildy famous, respected, talented actor but I am the shit.  Im great at ordering clothes online, and making friends, and doing my hair &makeup, and I can read.  Theres a lot more but just with that stuff Im already killin the Game….so I'm not worried. So be you and ball out!



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