Friday, August 29, 2014

don't Mess With the bull young man, you'll get the horns

(The dirt is at the bottom)


 This pretty much sums everything up

Now what is between the lines I wrote before all of this happened and I continued on after the fact to add more to the post outside of the lines.  It's interesting because exactly what I was talking about totally made the person go crazy and embarrass themselves even more than their face already does for them.

I try not to be negative but this is just hilarious. I don't know why people ask for you to be honest when they can't handle it.




The Original post

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Why is it so hard to say what you feel?

Everytime I find myself in a serious conversation with someone I always seem to be on the same side as the last time I was gritting my teeth searching through the labyrinth of my mind for the exit.

I just want it to be over, I don't want to talk about serious stuff.

I'm bad at it.

I just can't seem to say what I really think.

For some reason though, hearing it from other people, movies, documentaries, or books I'm apparently suppose to say whats on my mind.
Always tell the truth.

According to Them

But what if it will hurt the other persons feelings?

And I'm not talking about telling a girl you can see her underwear through a dress or a guy that he has a booger in his nose.

I'm talking about real emotions.  The kind that stick with you.  The kind you never forget.
The ones that sting.

I always feel like I just can't be responsible for someone feeling bad or negative about themselves.  I don't want my personal feelings about someone to make them question the type of person they are.

If you are a woman beater, child molester, rapist, murderer, or any other type of terrible person than you have no soul and therefore don't count.

For everyone else though, no matter how you may come off or act on the outside it doesn't matter.  If someone that you really care about, someone your close to, or someone you love says something negative about you whether it comes from a good place or not it will mean ten times as much.  I always have a ton to say, I'm the girl that can talk forever and carry on a conversation with pretty much anyone. 

Yet more times than I'd like to admit I find myself at a loss for words.

I know exactly how I feel, all the time, down to the T.

But I just can't say it because I know it will hurt the other persons feelings.  Sometimes I think I should just say what I'm thinking and it will make them stronger, they'll appreciate the honesty, they'll understand.

There is nothing worse than not understanding why another person is doing what they're doing but I don't think hurting someone feelings is worth it.  Because almost every time I'm in one of these situations the person says exactly what I'm thinking or feeling and I'm silent.  I think they know. People can sense things and ultimately they know why something didn't work or why the other person doesn't want to see them.

I just feel like I go around hurting all these boys men's feelings all because I'm so desperate for the ever elusive fantasy of love

I know it's real.

And I want it, bad.  So bad it hurts.  So bad that I pretend I've found it when from the beginning I know I haven't.

I don't know who I think I'm fooling but it's obviously not myself.  The pattern seems to continue though.  Although I don't think I've ever properly identified it.

Maby it'll be like AA for love addicts… the first step to solving your problem is admitting you have one.

Is this a good time to also throw around the fact I think I have monophobia … yet I somehow always feel smothered by most people.  I'm a weird gal, this I know.

Just a little self reflecting from the infamous couch that listens to all my funny, awkward, serious, and quite entertaining phone conversations.

The search continues…

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Now... I wrote all of that last night and planned on posting it today with a picture or to.  People surprise me every time.  I was obviously vague as usual and didn't mention much but now I just  don't care.  That was specifically about a guy I unfortunately dated and broke up with last week.  He sucked.  Now I wasn't going to just come out and say that or tell him I didn't like him.
Because that would be mean.

He had my watch so we went to lunch because obviously I wanted it back.  It was actually a present from an old ex boyfriend.  The only guy I have ever actually been in love with.  He also wanted to talk and I didn't think anything of it cause I had already forgotten about him and was on to the next thing.  Of course it was super awkward and consisted on him telling me he thought our relationship was so beautiful and that he didn't understand why it ended so abruptly.

Now I'm not mean and I have feelings.  I just didn't have any for him and strongly disliked him pretty much the entire time.  When someone is hurt and being honest about their feelings why would I say anything hurtful.  I would rather just say "mhmm" and "yea" and let it be.  No reason to upset someone or make them feel stupid.  The truth hurts and while they were totally into you, you were looking for an escape route.

Anyway he tried to kiss me when I got out, I did the head turn of course.  He got all mad, literally the first thing out of his mouth was "I picked you up and took you to lunch I want a kiss"
I imagined slapping him.
I didn't
Wish I had.

God he was like a spoiled little infant the entire relationship and that moment in the car was no different.  If you wanna go to lunch just cause then don't expect something in return.  Then he proceeded to say he wanted to see me again and hang out that night.  I did not want to but I felt bad rejecting him after already rejecting the kiss. So I said maby and that I would think about it, like a lady.
Maintain a level of hope and then let them down easy, that's the best way.

He proceeded to text me asking if I would come and I said maby then finally said no I didn't think it was a good idea but alluded to the fact it might happen another night.  Which it wast going to

Now fast forward to last night... he keeps texting me and I'm trying to dodge it but hes not making it easy.
He calls
I don't answer

Then comes the texts, so I call back and am forced to stay on the phone for 30 minutes trying to be as nice and vague as I possibly can while politely declining.
This guy is half pouring his heart out and I'm pretty much silent.
I felt bad and honestly just wanted the phone call to end. It was making me extremely uncomfortable not to mention weirded out.

How was it possible for one person to have such strong feelings and not pick up on the fact the other person hated them?
Like isn't that clear...
I have no clue but finally the call was over.

This morning I wake up to a text asking for his bottle of lotion and plastic hairbrush back

....

The level of ridiculous is off the charts.  Like just leave me alone!

You really are that concerned about a half empty bottle of lotion and a plastic hairbrush both of which total $5.

People amaze me.  I get it, your all butt hurt.

Before I even responded I decided to write a letter explaining how I really felt so he could have some clarity.
Because I'm a nice person.
I texted my best friend with a screenshot and she said "ew"
Then I told her I was going to leave it all in his mailbox.

When I finally responded to him with "lol k"

He went on about how I can leave it in his mailbox and I don't know but I just exploded lol

I just went in on him. Basically the same thing the letter said but not as nice.  He doesn't deserve a hand written letter from me.  Fuck him.  He's a spoiled, boring, immature, humorless, bad in bed, judgemental, ugly, dumb, close minded, idiot!

All of a sudden my mission was to let him know.

Now I have been down this road before, it doesn't end well.
There isn't much you can say to hurt my feelings and I already knew he would come back with some generic insults and statements that aren't even true.

Guys are some sensitive creatures.

I know girls are sensitive but let me tell you.  Men are a bunch of bitches, the minute their ego is wounded they literally just start making things up.

"I don't want to see you and your stupid"

ok honey

I literally have a recording of you crying and telling me how special I am.  Endless texts of you begging me to come over.  Lets get real.  My original goal was to avoid hurting his feelings but then eventually my patience wheres thin and I lay down the law.

Anyway, I usually try and keep this blog vague but I just decided...

Fuck That

I can write about whatever, and whoever I want to.


This is among the longest and most real posts I've ever written on here.  The goal isn't to bash anyone but to just get my feelings out and write about real stuff. This is a real situation, it actually happened and its pretty interesting.  I have found myself here many times and I know why but I will elaborate on that in another post.  The only type of pictures that seemed fitting where these screen shots.  I was nice enough to blurr the name but It really pulls the feeling of this post together... don't you think ;)

Here are a couple text treats



...


Him asking me to come over while I was writing the top portion of this post and me trying to get out of it.  I called him back and that was the congo then in the morning this lame ass text about fucking lotion…please



The night before while he was telling me how great I was and asking over and over if I would come to his house.  Took some screen shots and sent them to my best friend as the time slowly dwindled on.


Me still trying to be rational before I blew up on him.  
And the rest is history.


My old roommate who I was texting at the time hit the nail on the head!





XOXO




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