Saturday, August 20, 2016

Lull




It has been quite a while since I've updated this blog, and the reasons are endless but the top few are as follows.  I felt totally uninspired and really unhappy in Denver.  When you don't like something change it, at least thats what they say...who they are I don't know but it makes sense.  So I made plans to move to California and was beyond excited.  I had all these plans and goals for multiple things but one of which was this blog.  I had so many creative ideas for cool pictures and someone to help me take them but all that didn't pan out the way I thought it would.  Long story short I left California and came back to Florida.  Although I don't actually have any family here anymore it feels a little more like home than other places I've lived.




I drove alone with my car packed to the brim and both kitties on the passenger seat for 4 days straight.  As if the 17 hour non-stop drive from Colorado to California wasn't brutal enough my limits were about to be tested in more ways than one.  Every single step of the way something went wrong and it was utterly horrible.  From Charles pooping in the carrier, leaving my macbook in a hotel, given a room infested with fleas (thank god the kitties are hairless), having gasoline explode all over me, to having more breakdowns than it was a rough journey but I did eventually make it to Florida.



I was supposed to stay with a friend, at least I thought they were a friend while I looked for a place.  After everything I had been through I was so happy to be surrounded by a friend that cared about me but turned out that wasn't really the case.  Everything went downhill after about 3 days and I had to scramble to find a place.  I rented the first and only place I looked at because I just needed to get out of there.  It was really sad and disappointing to witness someone you considered your friend turn on you but it was also a lesson, so while I am upset I am also stronger.  




The place I rented is cute but it probably wouldn't have been my first choice if I had had the chance to actually look around.  The string of misfortune continued even after I left my friends house.  This place I'm in now was just fully renovated by the owner and I am the first person to live in it, so when I moved in there were soooo many problems.  The air conditioning wasn't working, leaking pipes, no w/d hookups, electrical problems, ect.  Dealing with all of that was the last thing I needed but what choice did I have.  I had workers coming everyday, in and out of my house all the while dealing with the moving company who was ripping me off.  I tried as best I could to argue with them but at the end of the day they had all of my things except the small amount of stuff I was able to fit in my car and I wasn't going to get it back unless I paid them what they wanted.  I finally did get my stuff after a week of sleeping in an empty house on a blowup mattress.  It cost over twice of what it should have been but there was nothing I could do.




My sister and I had been trying to plan a trip for the summer and had gone back and fourth between Thailand and a Euro-trip but had not finalized anything.  I read her my credit card number over the phone while driving through Louisiana on day 3 because I refused to look back and remember this summer for how horrible it was.  I know taking a trip to Europe while literally hemorrhaging money left and right while simultaneously being homeless may not seem like a good decision but I am so happy I pulled the trigger on it. After getting settled in my new place I left for Europe and was able to turn the summer of 2016 into more than just a pity party.  We went to Czech Republic, Hungary, and Serbia and it was amazing!




After decorating my place with some help from a friend and all the issues resolved it does feel like a cozy home now.  All of this happened pretty recently so it does make me sad to think about all of the people that let me down but I am also appreciative for being able to see their true colors sooner rather than later.  I am closer to friends and family, I have all of my things, I have my amazing kitties, and some invaluable lessons.  You can't buy wisdom and although I wish all these horrible things didn't happen to me I can say with confidence that I am grateful that they did.  I am resilient and I will use the close of this negative chapter as fuel for the fire.




Although none of this seemed like a good thing at the time I can see now that it was.  I am so happy to be back in Florida, be back in school, and get back to blogging.  I feel like a very creative person but with no actual talent which sucks but photography and writing is something I enjoy so I want to keep doing it for fun.  This blog was always meant to just be a creative outlet and I have to admit I've been discouraged a couple times by what people think about it, but I really just don't care what anyone thinks.  It may seem narcissistic to take pictures of myself but I think its fun and its no pressure because I'm alone when I take these pictures.  I don't have to impress anyone or feel uncomfortable or pressured.  I take pictures and write about my life because it makes me happy, so if you don't want to read it or see pictures of me then kick rocks.




There is this room that the woman told me was an office but I decided to make it into a little beauty room/fashion closet.  It came out soooo cute and putting the vanity in front of these huge windows is a perfect place to do my makeup with tons of natural light.  Overall the whole place is really cute, I hope that I will stop resenting the landlord soon and everything continues to work properly.  I always shyed away from over sharing or sharing anything real on here but it feels good to write something that matters so I'm going to make it a trend.  Every post may not necessarily be this long but who knows.




For anyone going through a hard time just push through because things have to start looking up eventually.  Try not to compare yourself to other people because you never know what is going on in their lives, and it may not actually be as great as it appears.  I had so many people message me how they were jealous I move so much and envious of me traveling but of course I'm not going to post a picture of me crying and cleaning cat shit out of the car on the side of the road during one of the hardest times of my life so no one will every know what is happening behind the scenes.




I originally was going to name this post The Calm After the Storm but decided to change it to Lull because life is tough and there will always be highs and lows.  The lows may be really really fucking low...but you have to power through it because the highs can be really really really high.

Lull: A temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity

I am pretty sure this won't be the last tough time I go through so lull seemed more fitting.




Anywho my beauty room is bomb and I am totally in love with it.  Furniture, outfit and makeup details will be linked at the bottom.  Stayed tuned, theres much more to come.




Until Next Time

XOXO


For love and lemons Nighty from DOLLSKILL
Jeffree Star liquid lipstick in shade DollParts
Vanity & Lingerie chest from Pier1
Clothing Racks from Target














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