Saturday, April 15, 2017

Existential Crisis

Today was a pretty standard day.  
I woke up and layed in bed for entirely too long looking on my phone which is nice because during the week I usually just jump out of bed and start trying to get ready really quick in order to get to class on time.

My Friday morning ritual has become me eating a giant plate of watermelon while watching last nights episode of Survivor

I love that show, after 33 seasons I am still thoroughly entertained.
Although the physical aspect is a big part of the show the psychology is much more interesting.
Watching how people make decisions, how they think, how they act, its just so entertaining to me 

Anywho after that I got myself ready to run some errands and drop a bunch of clothes off at this cool little place by my house.  They have regular stuff but also some awesome vintage if you take the time to look 

I have watched the documentary Minimalist on Netflix about 4 times now and every time it really inspires me to get rid of things I don't use, wear or absolutely love.

I have about 80 empty hangers at the moment... 
Sooo I have parted with ALOT of stuff

Although I do become pretty attached to my things it feels so good to let go of something that you know you dont really like or wear that much.

I only want to have things in my closet that I absolutely love and wear

Quality over Quantity

I would rather have 5 pairs of nice quality designer shoes than 50 pairs of shitty shoes from forever 21.  Same with clothes... I would rather have a few really nice items that where made very well, maybe they cost a little more but they aren't going to disintegrate the first time I wash them because they were made out of the cheapest material known to man by 3rd world children.

Anyway it feels good to get rid of things.

I found this amazing pink vintage skirt with little china dolls all over it. It was interesting on the hanger but once I tried it on I fell in love!

It fit like a glove and was sooo freakin cute I can't wait to wear it.  
I also scored an incredible pair of high waisted levis denim shorts, which is what I was on a mission to find because believe it or not I don't own a single pair of jean shorts.

I had been wearing the same pair for the last couple of years that I loved but I got paint on them while doing an art project last semester and finally donated them after realizing I couldn't get the paint out and it wasn't on there in a cool or trendy way.

After that I came home and edited the pictures from yesterday which took entirely too long because my computer just wouldn't let me upload them and it turned into a whole thing...

I was feeling so good all day but then I kinda got into this funk before work, just thinking about everything that happened between me and my X and man it sucks.

On one hand I wish I could erase parts of my memory like in eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
but at the same time... then how would you learn and grow?

This is where it gets tricky for me, I want to be optimistic and assume that people are good but when your constantly shown otherwise it makes that very difficult.  
It becomes this inner struggle over whether to give in and be jaded or not...
Obviously its a protection mechanism, like hey
Every time there is a guy in your life it ends badly and makes you sad ... so therefore

men = bad

The thing is, it isn't that simple and I dont want to go around assuming everyone is bad so Im trying but damn it's hard.

I powered through and tried to push all that out of my mind, chatting with some new suitors I hope are better than the last... but being fully aware they could be worse.

A bad night at work sent me into an even deeper hole.

The existential crisis hit around 3am and I just wanted to talk it out so I called a good friend back in Denver and we talked for about an hour and a half and it was good.

I like that she is very firm with her thoughts and opinions where as mine seem to waver from time to time... I think a lot of that has to do with surrounding yourself with people who think the same way.

I love a lot of my friends but sometimes listening to close minded people and knowing that nothing you say will ever change there opinion is frustrating.  Then I start to feel like everyone thinks that way and I'm the odd man out.

Then I reel it in and realize I probably am the odd man out, always have been, always will be, and honestly I'm ok with that.

I just get so wrapped up in my thoughts and then I get confused and then all of a sudden Im back to the same place I always end up

What is the point?

Why are we here?

Am I doing it wrong?

What am I even supposed to be doing... I don't get it!

And we all know there is no answer for that.  All I can do is hope that I meet someone who can live up to the expectations I have in my mind... which to me aren't really anything too crazy

I just get so depressed and sad and down on myself but I usually can get out of it and have to just remind myself that I am Fabulous!

And that is what I fell asleep thinking about.

Until Tomorrow 


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