Friday, April 14, 2017

Schadenfreude




This blog would be 1,000x more interesting if I actually wrote about my life and not random filler bs with half the details taken out which basically waters down everything I want to say.

I actually do enjoy writing.
If something is on my mind, If I want to say something or remember something or just get something out I always open the notepad app on my phone and go to town until I feel better.

People have suggested journalling to me but I never bothered because the thought of getting a book out seemed like such a chore... 
seemed like it would turn something I enjoy into work

It's been suggested so many times I never really considered writing on my computer let alone using my blog as a sounding board

well sounding board isn't really the right word

I'm not looking for feedback, while appreciated and welcome if received ... I just want to write..




So I was on my way home from a pretty full day and just going over the sequence of events in my mind thinking... huh pretty interesting day

"I have a lot of thoughts and commentary, I should write about it when I get home"

I'm aways so worried about people I am around in real life reading about themselves or a future boss coming across my mid 20's thoughts on the deep dark inter web that I always resist sharing in any sort of real way.  The thing is that I don't really want to do it for anyone but me.

I think writing is therapeutic and also just a creative hobby. 

I have decided to challenge myself to write about my day in as little or as much detail as I wish for the next 7 days.  I don't want to get too ahead of myself but I hope I can do it and hopefully once I make it a routine it won't feel so daunting.  I figure if I do make it the full 7 days I'll announce it and anyone interested can tune in

Anyway....



Today

So my day started with silencing my alarm 3 times before turning it off and laying there in denial.  To be honest I don't sleep a whole lot to begin with but have been sleeping less as of late.  This morning was rough but I finally jumped out of bed with 9 minutes to spare before having to leave my house with enough time to make it to class.

Mad dash to feed the cats, get myself ready, and get out the door and I was only 7 minutes late.
The end of the semester is so close I can taste it, still lots of work to do but half the time I'm sitting in class thinking of a million things
 It feels like my brain is at max capacity for information.
I just can't retain anything else.

School, appointment, then home where I showered and got ready for happy hour drinks and food with a friend.

I was feeling myself.

(Me feeling myself even at this awkward angle)


I thought I looked so good, makeup..hair..outfit..everything.  
Until we got there and then I just felt really uncomfortable which isn't out of the ordinary.

I usually always feel like that, sometimes more and sometimes less but my friend pointed out that I could be ____________.

He couldn't remember the name and when I tried to look it up I found a bunch of different things from social anxiety to schizophrenia.

I'm pretty sure I'm fine just a little paranoid but if you know what the name for it is (if there is one) please leave it in the comments below.  

We went to Flemings and the food was amazing
My drink drink on the other hand wasn't all that and honestly
 I was pretty irritated they covered the entire rim in cinnamon... which was not mentioned 
in the drink description

I hate cinnamon




I thoroughly enjoyed he food, everything just tasted sooo good.
This might be because I haven't been eating as much and been stressed and sad and angry all other kinds of negative emotions from dealing with my X

Then we went to an interesting cigar lounge/bar I would never think to go to which was nice... until walking to the car where I almost fell


I pride myself in my ability to wear heels... I mean it isn't my most impressive talent its just something I am good at.
 I don't know what happened but
my equilibrium was all the way off
and I just started falling... and although I didn't actually fall it felt just as bad because I was flailing and trying to catch myself for a painfully long period of time.

I looked like a new born baby deer and it felt like it lasted forever

Either way I didn't actually fall but refused to turn my head because making eye contact with other people who may have witnessed such a tragic moment was just too much to bare.

I am just not that strong.



Anywho after licking my wounds on the car ride back I was able to power through the shame and we finished watching the big short.

I'm not into finance but it was a great movie.
Would recommend.

Then I headed home and here I am.

I would say the most interesting things in my day happen in my head, to be honest it's a strange place.
Things change from minute to minute and it's exhausting.

I was feeling great in the beginning of the day but then started feeling very angry towards the middle.
I tell myself to be a nice person and let stuff go but I'd be lying if I said I don't spend a lot of time imaging horrible things happening to someone who has wronged me.

or just annoyed me.

let me just say this.
I won't be the one to do anything

But..
I would very much like to experience some schadenfreude in regards to a certain someone at the moment





P.S - I can see how many people view my blog and its a decent amount, you don't have too but it would be cool to hear some thoughts or commentary so don't be shy.

Thoughts on schadenfreude?
Always feel like people are staring at you in public?
dislike for cinnamon?
Ever fallen while wearing an extremely cute outfit?


Until Tomorrow




XOXO
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